Until Morning
by gabiiikayyy
Summary: In a world where same sex love is forbidden, Kurt and Blaine are caught sleeping together and are now faced with a choice: to either be set free but never speak to the other ever again, or to die together.


***WARNING - MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS***

"Is that you?"

Kurt refuses to look at two boys making love on the monitor screen. If only he could pinch himself and wake up from this terrible nightmare, if only this really was a terrible nightmare, because in nightmares you don't really die. But this is reality and he knows how it's going to end, trapped in that dead white room strapped to a chair with a needle aimed at his arm.

Kurt's silence angers the officer sitting behind the desk and he gets up and grabs Kurt's head and forces him to look at the screen. He sees himself underneath the other boy, remembers how beautiful that moment was and how good it felt.

But was it worth it?

_"Is that you?"_ He points to the boy on the bottom with his arms and legs wound around the boy on top.

Kurt nods his head and feels his entire body begin to tremble. Tears slip from his eyes and he wants to beg _please don't kill me_ because he's so scared to die and he knows there's no way he can deny that's him underneath the boy. Yes, he's in love with a boy and he slept with one, but they weren't hurting anyone. Kurt desperately wants to be with him because he's lost in love.

But it doesn't matter; they're both going to be put to death for being together, for showing how much they love each other.

The officer leaves the room, leaves Kurt sitting handcuffed in the cold metal chair. Kurt closes his eyes and trembles, trying to hold back his sobs just in case the officer comes back.

Kurt hears the door open and footsteps echo off the solid walls of the small room. He keeps his head down and focuses his eyes on the floor. Out of the corner of his eye he sees someone sit down in the dull chair next to him and he looks up and sees it's the boy he's in love with, Blaine. Kurt wants to reach over and take Blaine's hand, squeeze it and try to comfort them both, but he can't because they're both handcuffed and one slight sign of affection could have them both killed immediately.

Kurt looks at Blaine and he can see the glassy look in his eyes, knows he's been crying too. The officer once against occupies the desk in front of them and he replays the video of Kurt and Blaine having sex on the monitor perched on the edge of the desk. Kurt avoids looking at the screen but he can hear himself moan every time Blaine thrusts, and he wishes he could do that with Blaine one last time before they die.

From behind the monitor the officer's face contorts and he pauses the video.

"That's absolutely disgusting."

Kurt feels his face burn and he looks down at his wrists bound in his lap. He didn't think it was disgusting when they were doing it; it was the most amazing feeling in the world. Him and Blaine were secretly seeing each other for the past few months, not doing anything major, just sneaking to hidden places where they knew they wouldn't be caught and making out. But last night was when Blaine told Kurt he was in love with him, and Kurt said it back. And then it just happened. They made love in the comfort of Blaine's bedroom, someplace they thought no one would find them. No one was home at the time; they always made sure to be careful where they were when they were intimate, places where no one would be watching them.

But this time someone was watching.

Kurt feels his body begin to heave. He's terrified of dying. If only they could be spared, let this one time just slip by. But if that happens, there is no way he'd be allowed to see Blaine again.

Why live if he can't be with the person he loves?

"This is an offense that is punishable by death."

Kurt can't help it, he lets out a loud cry and his body shakes with sobs.

The officer is annoyed by Kurt's cries. He gets up out of his chair and goes over to Kurt and slaps him smartly across the face. The impact makes Blaine wince and Kurt quiets down, his cheek bright red and aching, his heart screaming inside him.

The officer sits back down, folds his hands on his desk and looks both Kurt and Blaine in the eyes. "You're both really young. According to my records you are twenty." He looks at Blaine as he says this and then his eyes land on Kurt. "And this one is sixteen."

Kurt bites his lip and keeps his eyes focused down on his hands. Blaine's older than him, but he doesn't care. They met each other on the sidewalks of their small town and immediately fell for each other, decided they would meet up later and run as far as they could, out to the edge of their town and hook up. They've been doing that for almost every night since without getting caught, until last night.

If only they lived in a world where they could love whom they wanted without being threatened by death.

The officer licks his lips and his eyes flit from Blaine to Kurt. He reads the fear on their faces and his lips curl into a sneer.

"You both seem scared. Are you afraid?"

Kurt feels his legs begin to quiver and his eyes leave the officer's. He's not just scared or afraid; he's petrified of losing his life, of losing Blaine. But he tries to wipe the fear off his face, tries to keep himself strong. He doesn't dare look over at Blaine.

"You know what's going to happen, right? After this I'm going to lead you to that small white room that you see on the monitors all the time, the one with the chair with the metal straps, the one where all the executions take place. And the last thing you'll see is the dead white of the room, the long needle filled to the brim with that green liquid sinking into your arm."

Kurt lets out another cry but this time the officer doesn't hit him. He relishes tormenting the poor kid and keeps going.

"The oldest has to die first and the youngest will be forced to watch."

Kurt doesn't try to stop himself from looking over at Blaine. Blaine's eyes lock with Kurt's and Kurt wants scream and cry and throw himself into Blaine's arms, the one place he feels the safest. The thought of watching Blaine die in front of him hurts so much.

The officer stands up and roars, _"It's time to go."_

Kurt begs and cries, _"No, please don't kill us, please,"_ and the officer laughs at him and sits back down in his seat.

"You have a choice."

Kurt's cries soften to light hiccups.

"You can die in the morning, or you can be spared. I'll let you both go, but you're never allowed to see, speak, or be near each other ever again, and if you break this rule, you'll both be killed immediately."

Kurt's heart stops. He can escape this; he can be free and keep living his life. But he won't be able to be with Blaine again, won't be able to him kiss, touch him, talk to him ever again. Now he has a choice, to continue with his life, or die with his first love.

"You'll both be put in jail for the night. You have until morning to make your decision."

The officer guides Kurt and Blaine down a narrow dark corridor and to the stonewalled hallway that leads to the cells. He opens the one at the end of the hallway and takes off each of their handcuffs before pushing them into the cell.

_"You have until morning to make your decision."_

The cell is cramped and cold with a small cot pushed underneath a large hole in the wall that serves as a window and a bucket in the corner that serves as the toilet. It's so cold that Kurt shivers and wraps his arms around himself. He looks over at Blaine who is staring up at the window. Kurt goes over to him and hugs him, burrows his face into Blaine's chest and fills his nose with the familiar scent of his shirt. He loves how soft his shirt feels against his cheek and it's so comforting.

Blaine runs his hand down the curve of Kurt's back, traces Kurt's spine jutting through his shirt with his finger.

_"What are we going to do?" _Kurt cries.

Blaine stays silent, stops tracing Kurt's spine and lets him go. He sits down on the cot and lets his head hang in his hands.

_"Blaine—"_

_"I don't know, Kurt!_ " Blaine snaps. Kurt sees how hard he's trying to keep himself together and he sits down next to him and rubs Blaine's back with his fingertips. He wonders if Blaine regrets it all, regrets sleeping with Kurt, regrets meeting him.

"Do you regret it?"

Blaine looks up and across the cell and it takes a while for him to say anything.

"No."

Kurt feels his heart skip and he rests his head against Blaine's shoulder, lets his fingers trace the muscles of Blaine's bicep.

"Me either." He looks up at Blaine, his eyes studying his shadowed face. "Last night was beautiful. I wouldn't take it back."

Blaine lets out a shaky breath and runs his fingers through his hair. "I can't live like this. I can't keep hiding in fear when I sleep with a guy. I haven't been caught until you."

And just then Kurt feels his heart shatter. Blaine told Kurt that there was him and only him. Blaine was his first and he thought that it was Blaine's first time too, but he did seem so experienced in bed and he's older. Kurt should have known.

"So I'm not your first?"

"No."

If Kurt isn't his first, then how many other guys has he been with, how many other guys did he say _I love you_ to?

"You were my first," Kurt says softly, eyes focused down on his wrists in his lap.

"I know.

Kurt chokes down a sob. "Did you mean it?"

Blaine stares down at the dirt ground as if in a trance, his eyes unblinking, his mind barely there.

"Mean what?"

"What you told me last night before you made love to me?"

Blaine straightens his back and blinks. Kurt's heart races with anticipation for his answer.

"Yeah."

"You love me?"

"I've been with a few guys, but I never told any of them that, except for you." Blaine looks Kurt directly in the eyes. "I love you."

Kurt feels his breath hitch and his eyes water. Blaine really loves him even though it's forbidden, but Kurt's so happy, so happy he can die in love, if that's what they choose in the end.

_"I love you too." _

Kurt places his palm against Blaine's cheek and brings his lips to his, kisses him passionately. Blaine gets into the kiss, opens Kurt's mouth more with his tongue and gropes his side. But he suddenly pulls away and Kurt right away misses his kiss.

"We can't do this," Blaine says.

"They already know we're together. One kiss shouldn't matter."

"They're giving us a chance to live. If we screw it up they might take it away."

So Blaine wants to live. He wants to continue his life without Kurt in it. And of course he can, he'll find another guy to fuck around with, he had guys before Kurt. But he'd be putting his life on the line and if he gets caught again there won't be any second chances.

"So you want to leave tomorrow?"

"Of course I do. Do you want to die?"

"I don't, but—but we won't be able to see each other for the rest of our lives."

Blaine stays silent for a long time, his head hanging in his hands, fingers running furiously through his hair. After a while he says, "I said I loved you."

"I know."

Blaine looks up at Kurt and into his eyes. "I really love you, Kurt. These past few months, seeing you practically every night and kissing you, touching you—there's something about you. Maybe it's because you're younger than me and had your virginity before I took it from you. I know you're not my first fuck, but you're my first love." He touches Kurt's leg and Kurt feels his skin tingle under his touch, remembers how amazing it felt when Blaine caressed every part of his naked body last night.

"I don't know if I'll find someone else." Kurt can hear the choked tears in Blaine's voice. "I know that if I choose to be freed tomorrow I won't be able to be with a boy again. And we can't leave this damned place."

Kurt nods. Right after each of them were born they had a small tracker inserted into their skin, and if they ever left the boundaries of their town, with the quick push of a button that tracker would release poison throughout their bodies and kill them immediately. There's no escape, there's no way they'll be able to be together. The thought of running far away and never looking back is completely out of the question.

"I really love you, Kurt, but I think I have to let you go." Blaine closes his eyes and a tear trickles down his cheek. _"I'm sorry."_

After those iron gates close behind them tomorrow signaling their freedom, Kurt will never be able to see his first love again. He links his arm with Blaine's and leans against him, feels the warmth of Blaine's body through his clothes and it feels so good in this cold cell. This is going to be his last night with Blaine, and he wants to make it beautiful. He'd do anything to have Blaine inside him one last time, _anything._

_"I want you to make love to me one last time,"_ Kurt whispers against Blaine's ear. _"Please, Blaine."_

"I don't know."

_"I need you, Blaine."_

Blaine closes his eyes and shakes his head. "Kurt, stop."

_"I need you inside me one last time."_

Blaine gives in and gets up off of the wobbling rotted cot. "Fine, but we'll do it against the wall and quick."

He pulls Kurt to his feet and guides him to the wall, pushes him against it and murmurs into his ear,_ "I'm going to make you feel so damn good."_

Kurt smiles as Blaine kisses his neck, tugs on his pants and pulls them down his hips. He helps Kurt out of his pants and peels of Kurt's shirt. Blaine presses Kurt's bare body against the wall. Kurt shivers when he feels his back pressed against the cold stones, but melts when Blaine undresses himself and presses his body into Kurt's. He grips Kurt's hips and murmurs, _"I love you Kurt,"_ before turning him around and forcing his finger inside him.

It hurts when Blaine's finger penetrates him, but the pain feels good and he closes his eyes, tries to stay quiet as Blaine fingers him harder and faster, adding in a few more fingers and stretching them to open him up.

Blaine withdraws his fingers from Kurt and spins him back around, hoists Kurt up from underneath his thighs and presses him against the wall.

_"Wrap your legs around me."_

Kurt obeys and wraps his legs around Blaine's waist, wraps his arms around Blaine's neck. Blaine sinks inside Kurt and Kurt lets out a low moan.

_"You need to stay quiet."_

Kurt hides his face in Blaine's neck and breathes heavily, feels himself clench around Blaine while Blaine stays still inside him, waiting for Kurt to adjust. The numbing cold of the stone fall soon fades away and all Kurt can feel is the beautiful warmth of Blaine's body wrapping itself around him.

And then Blaine begins to thrust his hips, makes love to Kurt hard and fast. Blaine pushes Kurt harder into the wall, grabs his cock and begins to pump. Kurt lets out soft grunts, thrusts his head back against the wall, and tightens his legs around Blaine. It's beautiful just like last night and Kurt would give anything to break out of this dismal place and to be with Blaine for eternity. But he knows that isn't possible.

Kurt lets out a long, pleased moan and he comes, and not long after he feels Blaine come inside him.

Blaine pulls out and he kisses Kurt long and hard, dragging his tongue along the seam of Kurt's lips, opening his mouth so he can dip his tongue in. Kurt kisses him back and then it hits him: that was the last time he'll ever have sex with Blaine. It hurts so much that tomorrow Blaine will be taken away from him.

Why can't he be with the person he loves?

Blaine sets Kurt down on the ground, nuzzles his neck and moans, _"You felt so good."_

_Felt_.

It will never be _feel_ again.

Blaine helps Kurt get dressed and then dresses himself. They lie down on the floor because they know the cot won't be able to support both of their weight for the entire night. The ground is so uncomfortable and Kurt knows he won't be getting any sleep tonight. It's his last night with Blaine; he wants to be awake for most of it.

But no, he can't do this. He can't go on without Blaine. He's madly in love with him, needs him in his life. He wants to tell Blaine, wants to tell him that he'd rather die than live without him even though he's terrified of death. But Blaine said he wanted to let Kurt go, and Kurt needs to accept that.

Kurt curls up against Blaine on the floor, rests his head on Blaine's chest. He feels it rise and fall beneath him, closes his eyes and feels tears spring to his eyes. He wraps his arm around Blaine and trembles against him. He's so scared to let Blaine go, doesn't know if he'll be able to keep on going if he does. He knows he hasn't known Blaine for very long, but he's deeply in love with him.

But Blaine obviously doesn't feel the same.

Kurt feels Blaine's arm wrap around him, feels Blaine's fingers comb through his hair.

_"Kurt." _

Kurt can tell by the unsteadiness of Blaine's voice that he's trying to hold back tears. Kurt holds him tighter, lets himself cry.

_"Blaine."_

"I can't do this, Kurt."

"Do what?"

"I—I can't let you go."

Kurt's breath hitches and he looks up at Blaine through his tears.

"So what does that mean?"

"It means I can't live without you. Just now, after we fucked, I realized that I've never felt this way about someone before. I really felt something both times I fucked you, but just now I felt this connection with you. Did you feel it?"

Kurt closes his eyes for a second and can still feel that connection he had with Blaine.

"Yeah."

"I think—I think we're supposed to be together. I know it's impossible but, Kurt, I love you. I need you in my life, but if you can't be in it, then I don't want to live."

Blaine is choosing death over life just because of him. Kurt knows he feels the same, he's just terrified of death, doesn't know what will happen, where he'll be once he goes. But he doesn't want to go on without Blaine.

"I don't want to live without you either," Kurt cries.

"Then we'll do it."

Kurt feels his heart stop.

"We'll die together tomorrow. Maybe we can be together after we die."

Kurt sobs and clings to Blaine. Blaine wants to die together. Kurt's so scared, so, _so_ scared, but he knows life without Blaine will be dull and meaningless. So he takes a deep breath, knows he doesn't have many breaths left, and says, "We'll die together tomorrow."

Neither one of them sleeps that night. They hold each other throughout the night, the sound of each other's breathing, the feeling of each other's bodies helps keep them from going insane. All throughout the night Kurt can't stop thinking about what Blaine said, about them being together after they die. Where are they going to go once they die, what if they don't see each other after they die, can't find each other?

Kurt cries throughout the night and Blaine holds him tight, tells Kurt he loves him and Kurt says it back. Kurt keeps his eyes on the window, watches the sky turn from deep black to auburn, and he knows he only has hours to live.

The cell door opens and Kurt feels his stomach flip. Heavy footsteps fill the cell and Kurt holds Blaine tighter, hides his face in Blaine's side.

_"Get up."_

Kurt and Blaine shakily get to their feet and Kurt knows he's going to die within the hour. He feels himself start to violently shake and Blaine takes Kurt's hand, holds it tight to let him know Kurt won't go through this alone, that he's still there with him.

"You had all night to make a choice." The officer looks down at Kurt and Blaine's hands linked together. "What is it going to be?"

Neither one of them say anything. Kurt closes his eyes, holds Blaine's hand as tight as he can, and feels Blaine's hand tremble inside his. He hears Blaine take a deep breath.

"I love Kurt. I can't live without him."

The officer looks at Kurt and Kurt breaks down into tears. He manages to say, _"I love him too," _through his sobs.

"So you choose to die?"

Blaine nods and pulls Kurt into him.

"We choose to die."

The officer leads them down the dark hall and to that small white room where all of the executions take place, the room they see all the time on their monitors at home when their entire town is forced to watch a fellow friend perish for practically nothing. Kurt sees the dead white of the room, the single chair with the thick metal straps and he clings to Blaine and cries, _"I love you."_

Blaine pulls Kurt into him and kisses him right in front of the officer. Kurt falls into the kiss, presses his body into Blaine's, feels the warmth of his body against his one last time. When Blaine pulls away he wipes Kurt's eyes with his thumb and says,_ "Be brave, Kurt."_

And then Blaine is torn away from him.

_"Who is going first?"_

Kurt sees a small white table just to the side of the chair, sees the vials of green, sees the single needle that will be used to kill them both. They won't be able to die together, one must go first, and the other must follow.

Kurt looks at Blaine and he can barely see him through his tears. But he hears Blaine take a deep breath, hears him take a step forward.

"I'll go first."

Kurt holds himself and trembles violently and his knees almost give out from underneath him. Blaine's going to die first; he's going to have to watch his first and last love die in front of him. He watches Blaine sit down in the chair, watches the officer strap him in, go over to the table and fill the needle with poison.

Kurt sees Blaine close his eyes, knows he's trying to remain strong in front of him, knows that on the inside he's crying and screaming and begging for this all to be just a terrible nightmare.

But Kurt can't let him die alone.

He runs to Blaine, hugs him and cries, _"I won't let you go alone. Wait for me after you die and we'll go together."_

Blaine doesn't say anything and Kurt pries himself away from him enough to look at his face. He wipes the tears streaking Blaine's face with his fingers and kisses him one last time and sobs, _"I love you."_ He takes Blaine's hand firmly in his.

_"I promise I won't let you go."_

The officer rolls up the sleeve of Blaine's shirt so that the snow-white skin of his forearm is exposed. Kurt squeezes Blaine's hand, watches the needle sink into his arm, feels Blaine's hand squeeze his as the green poison disappears from the needle into his arm.

Kurt closes his eyes so he doesn't have to watch him die, feels Blaine's hold on his hand begin to loosen as his life slips away. And then it goes completely limp and Kurt knows that his first love is gone.

Now it's his turn.


End file.
